In the year 2014, I did a lot of soul searching, learning, growing, changed my diet and started exercising.
As of today, December 31, 2014, I have lost a total of 19.8 pounds. I started my diet and exercise program January 12th of this year. I had lost a total of 30 pounds, then lost my motivation and went off my diet/exercise program. I also changed my medication, which helped put on a few of those pounds. I am still happy that I have lost this much weight. I still have a long way to go, but am getting back on track.
Mentally, I have had numerous ups and downs. I have found out things about myself that I don't necessary like or care for; I have found out things about myself that I absolutely love. While I can't change the past, I can change the here and now. My new mantra this year was: "Not my monkey, not my zoo", whenever drama would present itself. It has helped me to remember that I can only control what I think, say, and do, and that what others think, say, and do are out of my control. While I may offer advice when asked, I stay out of drama as much as I possibly can.
The past several days I have spent in reflection of things I have done in the past - from raising my kids, to when I was growing up, as well as the recent past. While I realize that I cannot change what happened, I can change how I react upon those things. I do not have to carry the burden of past mistakes. I can forgive those that hurt me - including myself. I can try to mend relationships with those that I hurt with my actions and words.
I do not make any promises or resolutions for the coming new year. It is too easy to set yourself up to fail, knowing you won't do one tenth of what you resolve to do. I do however plan to continue to laugh, love, and live my life to my standards, whether they match up to someone else's or not. This is my path, and it is mine to walk. Whether or not I measure up to someone else's ideal does not concern me.
Spiritually, I have been seeking and growing, as well. Ever the seeker, yearning for knowledge. This can be a bad thing. 'Ignorance is bliss' as the saying goes - is true. The more you know, the more you question, the less you believe; this is my experience. I was never one to be spoon-fed or told what to believe or how I should believe. I always wanted to know: WHAT to believe, WHY I should believe it, HOW I should practice my beliefs. I am not sure what I believe anymore at this point, if anything. My quest is to find that original belief system, and why they felt the need to believe in those things/beings, and where the idea that they needed to do so came from in the first place. Maybe if I could find that out, I would be satisfied. I do not believe, however, that I ever will figure that out. I continue in my ever present search for inner knowledge, spirituality and peace.
I have many lessons to be taught and learned this coming year and the years to come, and I look forward to them. Life is hard, and nothing comes easy. It is the little things that you gain along the way that make it all worth it - the friendships that you make and cultivate, the milestones that come and go, the goals that you set (and actually meet!), the love, laughs, tears and joy. Things end, things begin.
Enjoy the journey you are on, and don't worry about the journey that others are on. Each one of us has their own path to walk in life. Reflect on what you have learned this year. Forgive others, as well as yourself. Learn from your mistakes, and grow and build upon that knowledge. I wish for all that 2015 will bring love, health, happiness, and spiritual growth.
